The Gift of Being Me

How stepping away helped me reclaim myself and what truly matters.

Biogradska Gora.

The last couple of months have been challenging. I’d lost my balance. I knew I was running on empty , it felt like I’d run off the top of a cliff and was still running, functioning, but with no ground underneath me. I couldn’t stop because I knew I would come crashing down, yet I had no energy to keep up the pace I was forcing myself to maintain.

For months, I’d been toying with the idea of going away, just me, my camera, and nature. I thought about asking a friend to join, but deep down I knew this wasn’t a trip to share. I needed me time , truly alone.

I was crying a lot. No matter how much self-care I tried, it was like light being swallowed into an abyss.

The Breaking Point

Two weeks ago I woke up knowing that if I didn’t get away, and fast, I was going to crash. Badly.

It took me all day to find the courage to book the ticket, but by evening I was booked on a flight to Montenegro for a week, with just 36 hours to plan my trip. My requirements were simple: mountains, lakes, cool air, nature, walking, taking pictures… and as few people as possible.

Yes, I was scared. But I also knew I needed to cut off from everything. The last year has been intense, from making the decision to bring Asaf home, to making it happen, and then supporting him through his move home and rehabilitation. Over the past 3.5 years, he’d adopted routines and habits shaped by the institution, and part of this journey has been helping him rediscover his own rhythm, try new activities, and reclaim choices that had been taken from him. All this while working full time, studying, being a single mum, marketing my lecture, writing my blog, and leading a weekly Zoom group for family members of individuals with BPD.

But it had all become too much, I had no downtime, and I was on a hamster wheel spinning faster and faster, and I was about to fly off.

I hired a car, booked my accommodation, and off I went.

The moment the plane took off, I knew I’d made the right decision. I slept the entire flight, and as we landed in Tivat, I looked out at the mountains rising against the horizon, the shimmer of water between valleys, and I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

The fears I had about traveling alone melted quickly. The people were warm, the views breathtaking. The roads? Not for the faint-hearted, narrow mountain passes where you sometimes had to reverse 200 meters to let another car pass. But I took it as part of the adventure.

Lake Piva

Being alone with myself turned out to be a surprising gift.

It was time to stop. To reflect. To understand myself and create a plan I could actually live by, one that keeps the balance between caring for myself and caring for others. I saw myself clearly, without the inner critic bashing away. I embraced my strengths. I understood what is important to me and faced my truths head-on. I learned to recognize when I can give, and when I need to preserve my energy for me.

I may be celebrating my 50th birthday next week, but in my heart I still feel 18.

In one week I:

• Explored ancient caves.

• Sailed through Lake Strava.

• Rafted down the Tara River in torrential rain, thunder, and lightning, which only made it more exhilarating.

• Zip-lined across the Tara Canyon at 60 km/h.

• Trekked the Wolf Trail in Lovcen National Park, planned as 7.5 km, but after a wrong turn walked 14.5 km, without meeting a single soul in 4.5 hours. I talked to myself, shouted, cried, laughed, and let go of so much that no longer served me.

• Slept in a cabin deep in the forest, miles from anyone, feeling freer than ever before.

• Rode a quad bike through forests and over mountaintops for three hours (almost crashing once!).

• Ended the trip with a massage, feeling whole in both body and soul.

The Cabin in Lovcen National Park

My package is heavy. My responsibilities are large. But my first responsibility is to myself, and I intend to be loyal to that.

Montenegro gave me more than mountains, lakes, and adventures. It gave me back my breath. My balance. The clarity to see what truly matters. It reminded me that I am resilient, capable, and full of life. I faced my fears, embraced my truths, and gave myself the gift of pure, unfiltered me time.

I am proud of who I am, what I’ve accomplished, and the love and energy I carry for those around me. This trip wasn’t just a week away, it was a celebration of ME, of my strength, my uniqueness, my joy, and my incredible heart. And it’s a gift I intend to give myself every year, one week alone, in nature, fully alive, fully me.

Pavlova Strana